Bunny Pyjamas..

Hi Queens 👑

We’ve had a manic few days here. The weekend whizzed pass as per. We went and saw our wonderful friends who we met in Greece Saturday, kid free. It was lovely. Me and Dan were saying how lucky we were to meet them. Sunday we went to see my friend Sammie who’s just had Baby Jack. He is so handsome and i’m not going to lie – he made me so broody.

That soon passed once my kids were on their 1000th meltdown when we got home!

I’ve felt a bit down the past few days, the weather is shit which is pissing me off. I miss my mum. I miss my friends. It’s just been a bit ugh. My mood goes down and then the kids behaviour reflects on that because i don’t have the patience that i normally do, and every thing they do wrong seems like a much bigger problem than it actually is.
Also it hasn’t helped because Grayson seems so grown up all of a sudden, it’s breaking my heart. It all started because his started saying “Yar” for yes. Now everyone who knows Grayson knows that when he wants to say yes, he would nod his head, and his bottom jaw would move up and down with his head. We would always laugh at him and correct him. Well now, his stopped doing it, and we miss it. It’s silly little things like that, that make you sad and miss them being that bit younger. Everyday they are growing that little bit wiser, and i want it to stop. It’s bad enough Kellan starts school, I’m not ready for my baby to grow up. So yea, maybe thats why I’m feeling a bit shit.

On a happier note, i had a weird dream this morning. Poor Dan.
So, this morning, Dan reached over for his usual morning cuddle. I was half awake, half dreaming. As his hand came over, i was pushing him away, i was so angry with him. I didn’t want him near me. I was so confused, then it hit me. My dream. Now most people would react that way if they had dreamt of their partners cheating, or something radical like that. No. Not me. I had the hump with him, because in my dream, the bastard had got my favourite bunny pyjamas that he hates so much, pulled the blind up and threw them out the window. I was livid! Hence the reason i pushed him away and didn’t want his morning cuddles. I only remembered as i was putting my nice, clean bunny pjs away. I had to run and tell him, we were both laughing so much. He looked at me and said “you are a fucking rare one” – that shows what our relationship is about, I’m not worried about him cheating on me, I’m worried his going to throw my fucking bunny pyjamas out the window.

to top it off, i am on my third bottle of wine since last night, chin chin.

Anyway, hope you are all ok X

Swear Words.. 

Today has been a long day. 

Kellan swore 3 times, he said: oh fuck, piss off and it’s all bollocks (just incase you were wondering what he said) he was told off, then he carried on to tell me that Daddy said Oh fuck when he hurt his finger in the garage yesterday. 🤦🏼‍♀️. 
We (..I) decided sort the toy room and thought it would be nice to do it together. No. The kids were throwing stuff in the bin and started getting attached to toys they hasn’t played with in months; pointless. Anyway, i done it. 
My sister in law and my nieces and nephews came over. Kids go into overdrive – it was mental. Treated the kids to dominos while they were watching boss baby. Peace and quiet for 20 minutes. 
Perfection.

After a while the kids were refuelled on junk we heard bang bang scream bang. Grayson had slid down the stairs too fast on his bum, scared himself, screamed then sobbed. After a mummy cuddle he then spent the next 10 minutes explaining to me and Billie in his own language about how he went down the stairs. 
By 7pm the kids have gone into full blown carnage mode. My work phone was ringing non stop, the kids were screaming, my brother and his girls friend arrived kids went from 100 to 250 in seconds. 
Anyway, kids are asleep, just fought with the dog to get his poxy ear drops in. After everyone went, I walked over to my favourite cupboard. The wine cupboard. I was getting excited about the thought of a large glass of wine, sitting in my living room all relaxed. I opened the cupboard and stared. Stared so fucking hard thinking my eyes were playing tricks on me. There was no wine. Nada.
Fuck. 
So here I am sitting at my kitchen table with a manky bottle of Pepsi. Winning.

Welcome Home Daddy..

Evening. I am melting tonight – my house is so hot! Just sitting down ready for Love Island, dan’s missed it, i can tell.

So my wonderful hubby to be is home, yay! it’s been a long weekend but not as bad as i thought. Dan had a really good time so that was the main thing. We decided to head home after i picked him up and order a dominos pizza for all of us instead of having the drama of going out to a restaurant and the kids play up. Grayson had fallen asleep in the car, and woke up after about 20 minutes (he normally has a 2 hour nap) so he was really groggy. He was whinging, and crying and just really unhappy. I was driving so dan was trying his best to lean over the back and sort him out. All of a sudden, he started being sick. Grayson was crying, Kellan was crying, it was a nightmare. I’m just so bloody glad i had Dan in the car and wasn’t on my own. Good timing G. It went everywhere. Poor dan had to sit in a twisted position holding G’s sick covered blanket and dummy bunny for a good 15 minutes. Poor sod was crying the whole way home. Grayson, not Dan.

Welcome home daddy!

As soon as we pulled up, Dan got Grayson out the car and run him upstairs into the bath, the car chair was taken apart and in the wash along with dummy bunny (mama) and his blanket. Kid cleaned, blankets cleaned and we were back to normal. Dan still hasn’t unpacked.. job for tomorrow!

Grayson is fine, it’s not a bug. Thank god. It seems to be when his getting himself upset, he starts having a coughing fit and then is sick. This only started happening yesterday. I took him to the doctors today (Dr Brown Bear, as Kellan calls him after Peppa Pig, the doctor didn’t seem impressed when Kellan called him that…) just to check his throat and chest but he couldn’t find anything. He said it could be hay fever or even Asthma. We have got to keep an eye on him for a week then go back. I’m hoping its just change of weather where we have been out the country back and fourth.

Early night for all tonight, Dan is knackered from his weekend of drinking, i am knackered because i didn’t sleep as i thought i was going to die and my kids would of been left (see previous blog). Today has been a nothing day, we spent about 4 hours test driving and chatting about a new car while the kids were in nursery.

Hope you are all well, i am going back to Love Island now. Ciao X

Have fun..

Morning, I’m currently sitting here, in my bra and jeans waiting for my t-shirt to come out of the tumble dryer. It has a few creases and i can’t be arsed to iron it (don’t tut at me mum)

But that would also mean going to the car, getting the new iron and ironing board out that Dan bought JUST to iron his shirts for this weekend, which he didn’t do.

Dan has left for his stag do this weekend, a year early but what the hell. We were meant to be getting married 30TH September this year, but decided to push it back a year. The hens and stags have already been booked, so was pointless people losing out on money.

Now I’m home with my kids most of the time, on my own, but i feel anxious about this weekend. Maybe because I’m supposed to be working, look after the boys and not worry about Dan. I have had a word with my darling brother about covering this weekend for me and i will do the next two – lets see if he does it for me.

I’m also anxious because i normally have someone i can run to if i am having a crap day. First ones being:

Mum and Dad – they now live in Spain, so i am unable to see them.
Casey and Calli – my brother and might as well be wife, they are also in spain this week so it’s a no to them
Reiss and Billie – my brother and his also might as well be wife, i am seeing them Saturday for a nice day out (hoping the weather stays nice).
But i do feel anxious, i don’t know why.. but i do. I’ve never been left in the house on my own before so thats something new, i’ve always had Dan for when I’ve had a bad day and i need daddy’s intervention, which the kids actually listen to. I take my hat off to single mums, i don’t know how you do it. I suppose, when you are in a situation you do just get on with it and make it work. You have to.

So yea, Dan, enjoy your stag do. Please don’t mix your drinks and ruin it for yourself you twat. I am apparently getting updates and photos, so when i do, so will you.

Going to enjoy this rare moments peace and drink my hot cup of tea.. this is why i get up early. It’s the little things.

Enjoy your Friday, blog later X

Back to reality..

Today has been a weird one. Our holiday feels like a lifetime ago, but at the same time I’ve been away for so long being home seems weird.

First off i was woken up by Dan’s alarm – Bruno Mars – Marry You. It was cute at first, but now it annoys me. So 5am we are up, all of a sudden Dan appears with Kellan. Poor little sod wet the bed.. he hasn’t done this for months. Think its all unsettling for him. Anyway, the kid was wide awake. He was not going back to sleep. Up we get then!

One a postive he got to see his GaGa before he left for his weekend in Spain. The first wash on, Kellans bedding. Grayson woke about 8. Before Grayson woke up Kellan wanted to go in the garden, at 7am. It wasn’t happening. Well, he kicked off. I wasn’t ready for this, i hadn’t even had my morning cup of tea. I need my tea. Normally i get up with Dan, we sneak downstairs have a hot cuppa in complete silence ready for the kids to wake. But not this morning. So after meltdown one, I occupied him with super wings. Had a quick, luke warm cuppa. Rank. Used to it now though. I then took us all up to get dressed, Kellan and Grayson destroyed their rooms.. (I’ve cleaned them up 6 times today, they haven’t even been here half the day!!) All dressed by 9:30 – it felt like it should be about 12pm, but no, it was 9:30. I finally let the kids in the garden, washing being hung out, next wash on (i was on a roll) Then the dog was jumping through all dan’s new planted flowers.. good god. Dan and his flowers. All of them told off, was like banging my head against a brick wall.

After hoovering, unloading and reloading the dishwasher i got my best friend out. The steam mop. Ugh, i chose the worse tiles when we moved into our house. God knows what i was thinking. My floor looks constantly rank. I steam mop everyday, sometimes twice a day. It is such a shit job, and it never looks no different. Dan laughs because i have such an obsession with the floors.

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Poxy floors

Floor cleaned, kids still pissing about with the dog. Second wash out, third wash on. Kids rounded up, decided to take them McDonalds before nursery. Was nice to have some me and kid time, they enjoyed themselves. A lovely elderly man who worked there gave them 2 balloons. They kept letting them go, so there mummy was grabbing the balloons constantly, in the end i tied them round my bag. Problem solved. Just sat back down, Kellan shouts out “MUMMY I NEED A WEE WEE NOW!” so up we all get, i left Grayson’s dinner on the side while i took him to the loo. Grayson clapped him (he gets very proud of his big brother haha). I then grab Grayson, his dinner and Kellan and go to the car. Nearly lost the balloons twice. shit. Balloons safe, kids safe, i get in the car and notice I’ve somehow got tomato sauce on my bloody new white top. Balls.

There i am sitting outside a crowded McDonalds viscously rubbing my boob with a water wipe – people were staring. So embarrassing ! Stain sorted, off to nursery.

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This was after my vicious scrubbing..

Kellan was so excited to see his friends after three weeks. Grayson not so much, every time i leave him he cries. I run out that nursery today, not even ashamed to say it. He was ok as soon as i walked out the door, they sent me a little photo of him to show me he was fine. Shitbag.

It has honestly been a non stop day, i had some me time and had my nails done and caught up with my friend which was lovely. Then off to food shopping, get the washing in, make the kids beds, then off to pick the kids up. I took the dog for a drive as i didn’t manage to get him out today (sorry Travis). But we did take some snapchat selfies.. Dog was loving it.. NOT.

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Kids are exhausted, i was so ready for bedtime and so were they. Ive not looked forward to bedtime this much before, it has honestly just been so busy.

My beautiful little shit bags. Wouldn’t change them for the world – I’m so lucky and blessed.

I will leave you with these two photos that i received today.. X

Time..

Sorry for not blogging yesterday, i didn’t have moment to sit down long enough!

Woke up this morning and mum and Kellan were already up. Grayson was still in the land of snooze. Kellan was groggy this morning, as soon as his eyes are open his awake. He doesn’t give himself a minute to relax to see if he will doze back off. Mum said she was awoken by a distant voice this morning but she couldn’t work out where it was coming from. She knew it was Kellan, but couldn’t find him. She run into his bedroom, he wasn’t there, she checked the kitchen, lounge and dining room and again he was no where. She then noticed the back door to the garden was open, kellan had opened it this morning to ride his pushbike.. god knows how long he was out there for. Pickle.

He then asked for the iPad – iPad’s the best and worst invention ever. Now people who know me know i don’t let my kids have the iPads at home. They only have them on the rare occasion if we go for dinner or on holiday. Anyway, i gave in and let him have it. He sat quietly playing his plane game. Grayson woke up and sat with him. About half hour later Grayson wanted a cuddle with Nanny. Now Kellan is a nanny’s boy. She’s his nanny and no one else’s. Oh my god, he went like a loon. He didn’t want Grayson on his nanny, he wanted to sit on nanny’s lap. Grayson was to sit over with Mummy and not go near his nanny, well his tantrum just got worse. I then told him no more iPad and to come and have a wash. He threw himself all over the floor, he was screaming and shouting telling me i wasn’t his friend anymore. Honestly, i just don’t have the patience for it, i was always quite a patient person before kids. I don’t know what happened. This is the reason why i don’t let them have the iPads at home. It changes their behaviour completely. Bloody things. It don’t help because people are always on their phones now, its every day life. I hate it, I’m the worse person for it but i hate it.

Once I’ve put the kids to bed i sit there and think did i do enough today? Did i love them enough today? The little things in life always get in the way. The housework, the errands. I snap at them when I’m trying to do something when all they want is my attention. I feel guilty when i shout and tell them i need 5 minutes peace. The times i feel like locking myself in the bathroom just to be able to do my makeup in peace, or to even wee in peace. But they just want to be near you, near their mummy. You forget how little they are and how much they still need and want you. I love nothing more when there asleep in their little beds, tucking them in and kissing their beautiful little foreheads and whispering “mummy loves you so much”. We should be enjoying their toddler years, because one day when they are big and grown with their wives, husbands and kids and all moved out we will be sitting there wishing they were little again. Just to have that time with them again.

I find that we wish their lives away. I can’t wait for them to sleep through the night, i can’t wait till they start crawling, i can’t wait till they can walk, i can’t wait till they start school – next thing you know you are ordering their school uniform ready for the big day. Honestly, it goes so quick. I wish i had enjoyed the baby stage more and cherished it because these 4 years have flown.. literally flown. It scares me.

So mama’s, i know the newborn stage is hard, i know the sleep deprivation is a killer – it really is, i don’t know how i got through it, but i did. But please enjoy every moment of it, yesterday is gone, but tomorrow is on its way. Enjoy it.

OH and on a completely different subject, my baby boy Grayson learned to swim with his armbands on today! Very proud mummy over here X

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Kellan doesn’t share nanny..
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Oh Dear..
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Honestly..

Pissing in the wind..

After my blog yesterday about how much of a chilled day we had, things started to go down hill.

It got to about 7:30, kids had eaten, BBQ had started and I was ready for the kids to go to bed. So i thought start winding them down, i got them washed and dressed for bed and put a film on. Trolls tonight. Yay. Grayson welcomed bed time, he was knackered. Kellan not so much. He was crying, kicking, screaming. After the 3rd time of putting him back in bed i was losing it. I was ready for my mummy time, but Kellan obviously had other ideas.

My dad then said that he can stay up, he obviously wasn’t tired and this is what being a kid is about. He was tired, he was miserable and whining because he hadn’t slept well the night before. But of course, nanny and GaGa know best. Mum then went on to tell me that they never put us a bed when we was on holiday or at home when we had company. LIE.

Im sure Reiss and Casey (my brothers) would tell them otherwise. I remember when we had old family friends round our childhood home and bang on 7:30pm we were sent to bed, even though we had our friends round we was told it was bedtime. That was that. no sneaking back downstairs, no kicking up a stink. But my kids do it and they are allowed back out of bed.

Anyway, after telling him to get back to bed and nanny and GaGa telling me he can stay up, i gave up. Whats the point? It’s like pissing in the wind. Kellan decided he was going to play waiter.. (well Keeper as Kellan calls them) so he went around serving us tomato sauce, bread, peanuts and cheese burgers. After he had enough of that he sat and had a chill, me thinking time to put him a bed. WRONG. So i thought i would ask him to go and quietly go and check Grayson (what was i thinking asking a nearly 4 year old to check on his 2 year old brother.. must of been that damn Sangria – the stuff is the devil) Then i heard him “come on Grayson, there we go, come and play with me” – Facepalm.

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Our Little Waiter (Keeper)

So out Grayson come, bright eyed and full of energy .. i was now thinking fuck my life, what is happening. Please god, give me strength. GaGa then got up and played some football with them, they were loving it. I sat quietly assessing the situation sipping (downing) my sangria. By this point it was 9pm and I was half cut. Deary deary me.

Football with GaGa

Right enough is enough i thought, we had to get up early to get Dan from the airport. I picked Grayson up, told him to say goodnight and put him to bed. 1 down, 1 to go. I came back out and Kellan asked to go in the pool.. “no kellan” “no kellan, you are not going in the pool” “Kellan mummy said no, please. It’s time for bed” By this point i was fed up – again, like pissing in the wind. Off my doting dad goes to get his armbands. Seriously?! 9:30pm – the kid is in the pool. Fuck it. That was my attitude by this point. Fuck it and pass me the Sangria.

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Nothing like Late Night Naked Swimming

Finally 10pm, the kid (still kicking and moaning) went to bed. 10 minutes he was in bed for, 10 minutes and he was snoring. But he wasn’t tired..

Once I was sat back down and a few more glasses of Sangria i understand why my mum and dad do it. They like to see them enjoy their self which is lovely and they are making some lovely memories which i know they will cherish for the rest of their lives. People who are reading this who now have older kids must of been in my position before? You get to a certain point of an evening and you want some Mummy time. My mum said she used to get to 5pm and have enough! Everyone has been there. Oh well, they had fun. I had fun watching them (i did). Even though i moan, its nice to see them playing and being relaxed. Sometimes the rules have to be broken.. not all the time, but sometimes.

Nanny & GaGa if you read this, thank you. Thank you for everything you do for myself, Dan and the boys. We are forever grateful. Plus the kids always want you so you must be a lot more fun then mummy and daddy..

While we are on the topic of Dad’s – it’s fathers day today. So Happy Fathers Day to all the amazing, hardworking, wonderful Daddy’s out there. A massive special Fathers Day to all the daddy’s that are watching over us in Heaven. Always missed, never forgotten.

Happy Sunday X